A Soldier's Honor Page 19

  Right. She nearly laughed aloud. Caleb hadn’t exhibited any reservations about meeting Matt’s family. She knew her son was polite, confident and adaptable.

  And she’d denied him his rightful place with the Rileys because of her fears. Fear, specifically and singular, of the man kissing her now.

  She eased back, her mind reeling and her heart aching with what couldn’t be. Even if he really had forgiven her for denying him his son all these years, how would he ever trust that she wanted him on his own merits and not just as a protector from a persistent enemy?

  “Hey.” Matt smoothed her windblown hair back from her face. “You disappeared on me again. What are you thinking about?”

  “I had an image of facing your parents and Caleb after making out with you.”

  “So what?” He grinned. “Caleb is solid evidence we’ve done more than make out in the past?” He nibbled at her lips again. “My parents know where babies come from.”

  “Stop.” She gave him a nudge back, but she couldn’t stop the giggling that bubbled up.

  He’d always known what to say to draw her out of herself, until she’d taken herself too far out of his reach.

  “You’re overthinking it,” he murmured.

  And that quickly she bristled, once more on the defensive. “Which part?” She folded her arms over her chest, if only to keep her hands off him.

  “We’re not kids anymore,” he said. “There’s no curfew. If we both want to spend time here on the sand or sleep in the same bed, that’s up to us.”

  “And what example would that set for Caleb?” she challenged his logic with the only argument she had left: parenting.

  “How would it be anything other than good news that his parents want to be together.”

  Exasperated, she stalked away from him. The space and cool breeze off the water helped her regain her composure.

  “What’s the real issue?” Matt asked, trailing her. “I can’t help if you don’t open up.”

  She couldn’t tell him she loved him. She should, she just couldn’t seem to bring those words up out of her frightened heart. “Why didn’t you ever marry?” She’d asked him before, but over the last few days, she realized he hadn’t given her the full truth.

  He scowled and turned that dark gaze out to the water. “If I tell you, will you answer the same question?”

  “Yes.” Once she heard his answer, she’d know how to couch her own reply.

  He shrugged out of his jacket and laid it out like a blanket on the sand for her, another example of his chivalrous manners. She’d done her best to instill those same values in Caleb, if for no other reason than so he would make his father proud if they ever met.

  And they had. She realized she was more than glad; she was truly relieved that they would have a relationship from this point forward.

  “Come here.” Matt drew her down to sit next to him, sliding his hand down her arm to clasp her hand.

  She stared at their joined hands, balanced on his knee. How many times had she had dreams of stolen moments like this one? “Plan to keep me waiting much longer?”

  He rubbed his shoulder to hers. “I never married because no one else was you.”

  Her heart did a happy pirouette in her chest and she resisted the urge to lean into him.

  “Don’t get me wrong—I dated.”

  “Me too,” she said. “I wouldn’t have expected anything else.”

  “Whenever things started getting serious, I imagined what would happen if you ever relented and gave me a chance to know Caleb,” he added.

  Me too, she repeated in her mind. “You must blame me for so much.”

  “We’re both responsible, Bethany. I’m sure it hasn’t felt that way, when you’ve been in the thick of it day in and day out on your own, but I don’t blame you for anything.”

  “There are times when you are too good to be true,” she said.

  “What a crock,” he said. “You’re just trying to get me into bed.”

  She laughed, snuggling into his warmth as a breeze raised goose bumps along her arms. Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulders, sheltering her with his bigger body.

  “You’re my best friend, love,” he said. “You know my flaws, as well as my strengths.”

  The endearment left her dizzy. “I’m not so sure.”

  Matt gave her a squeeze. “It’s your turn. Why didn’t you marry?”

  She stared out at the blackness of the ocean. Lights sparkled from the pier in one direction. Homes dotted the shoreline in the other direction. Somewhere out there Matt’s parents were getting to know their grandson.

  “I came close once.” She felt Matt’s body tense. She hadn’t meant to lead with that. It seemed rude when a few minutes ago they’d nearly had sex right here on the beach, heedless of their surroundings. “My reason isn’t much different than yours. When it came time to explain why Caleb’s father wasn’t around, I couldn’t do it.”

  “Why not?”

  Where to start? She’d discovered in the nick of time that to settle would have been a disservice to both of them. All three of them. Her heart had fallen into Matt’s care when she was nineteen. Every day as Caleb’s mother had only intensified that one-way bond. Her son resembled his father in some obvious ways: the dimple in his cheek, the shape and color of his eyes, and the hair. It didn’t stop there. Athletic and bright, she saw her son growing into more of Matt every year. If she’d remarried, she opened Caleb up to influences she didn’t know or understand as well as she’d once understood Matt. She told herself that if she truly loved the man it wouldn’t have bothered her.

  “You did it again.” Matt spoked quietly near her ear, and then kissed her cheek.

  “What?”

  “Drifted off.”

  She shook her head. “He was a good man and I’m sure in general he would have been a good stepfather to Caleb.”

  “But?”

  “But he wasn’t the right man and it wasn’t the right time.” Only Matt had been the right man, and unfortunately, they’d crossed paths at the wrong time.

  “Do you think there’s a right man for you?”

  Recognizing the opening, she dodged it. She stroked his arm, enjoying that she had the chance to touch him again. “I think I was very fortunate that my son’s father is an amazing and honorable person. Beyond that, if my Mr. Right is out there, he’ll show up when I need him.”

  There, she’d been honest without pasting her heart on her sleeve. At least the conversation had muted the blinding heat that had nearly overtaken them earlier. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so much like an errant teenager when they returned to the Rileys’ house.

  “I want to be your Mr. Right,” he said.

  She turned, gawking at his bald admission, and found him watching her intently.

  “Was that communicating too clearly?”

  Suddenly the full force of the changes time had wrought on him crashed over her. Even at twenty, the angles of his face hadn’t been so hard and unyielding. Experience and commitment had refined his handsome features. A sense of him in a command role filled her with pride and a purely feminine flutter.

  “You have been,” she answered at last. “All this time, you’ve supported my needs and Caleb’s, too.” Shutting him out had been the only way she knew to survive, to give all three of them the best chance at happiness. It would have been too easy to simply let him take over and lead their lives, to lose her identity in the shadow of his career and charisma. That would have ended badly for both of them. She didn’t know how to explain all of that without hurting him again.

  “You have been,” she repeated. “You’ve helped financially and abided by my terms when you could’ve been a jerk about everything.”

  “I wanted to be a jerk more than once.”

  She smiled. “I know. You’ve shown admi
rable restraint.”

  He kissed her again. “No truer words,” he whispered.

  It took a few seconds to catch her breath. “Come on, your parents are probably ready for a break.”

  “Not a chance.” Still, he rolled to his feet and reached back to assist her. “You’ll be lucky if you get an hour alone with Caleb while we’re here.” He carefully shook the sand from his jacket and folded it over his arm. “Fair warning, your suitcase is in my room.”

  She’d assumed she was bunking in a separate spare room with Caleb. “That was presumptuous.” But her pulse leaped at the idea of sharing his bed.

  He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. The kiss sizzled through her, from her lips to her toes. “That right there,” he stroked his thumb over her inner wrist. “Tells me it wasn’t.”

  “Matt.”

  “I suppose I’m a fool for hoping you’re about to thank me.”

  “Why would I thank you for that?” she demanded.

  “Not for presuming, for saving you.” With his hand at the small of her back, they walked back to the car.

  She never could resist that teasing charm. “Is the house haunted?”

  He shook his head.

  “Monsters?”

  “Worse,” he said. “There are too many people. I’ve saved you from getting caught sneaking to or from my room.”

  “You thought that would be a problem?” she asked, incredulous and more amused than she should be.

  “I am irresistible,” he said with false modesty.

  She certainly thought so. While she searched for the strength to say no, to tell him this wasn’t the right time to make this kind of move, he kissed her again.

  He pulled back, breathing hard as he touched his forehead to hers. “I’ve never felt that with anyone else, Bethany.” He guided her over the dunes. “You make me weak.”

  “Same goes,” she admitted.

  He paused when they reached the car, caging her between his body and the door. “You really shouldn’t give me that kind of ammunition.” He brought her close to his body to open the car door and then eased her down into the passenger seat. He’d upped his game significantly since their days at West Point.

  They were both aware how much she wanted him, but she couldn’t quite forget where they were and what had propelled them to this point. “I want you,” she confessed a few minutes later when he turned off the road toward the house. “I just don’t want to offend your parents.”

  He parked the car and leaned in. “That might be better remedied if you worried about it less and just kissed me more.”

  “That sounds like self-serving advice.”

  “Stay in my room tonight. I need you close.” He traced each of her fingers in turn. “I’ll sleep on the floor until you invite me to the bed.”

  Though she rolled her eyes, she let him hold her hand as they walked up the stairs and inside. Instead of a greeting of censure and judgment, the house appeared to be empty. “Where is everyone?” Fear that they’d been followed and the culprit had struck again made it impossible for her to do anything other than cling to Matt.

  “Easy.” Matt squeezed her hand. “Listen.” He tugged her toward the glass slider leading out to the deck. Down on the beach, four people sat around a little fire. In the light of the flames, she could see happy faces all around.

  “Grace Ann arrived,” Matt said. “Doesn’t look like we’re needed out there. Unless you’d rather go shoot the breeze over s’mores than dive into all of this.” He spread his arms wide.

  Smothering a laugh, she turned away from the scene on the beach. “I might have had enough of both for tonight,” she teased. Can you show me to the room? If that won’t be perceived as rude.”

  He gestured for her to start up the steps. “You can relax around my parents,” he commented from behind her. “They think the world of you.”

  She didn’t understand his confidence under the circumstances. “How do you know?”

  “I can tell.” At the landing, he stepped around her to lead the way to the bedroom they were apparently sharing. “I’m the favorite, remember?”

  At the far end of the hallway, he opened the door and flipped on the light. The surprises kept coming. A queen-size bed was centered on the far wall, under a row of transom windows. At this end of the room, a loveseat and easy chair were anchored by what appeared to be a set of antique nesting tables. The view of the beach would be stunning in daylight, though the curtains were drawn at the moment.

  “The en suite bath is through there.” Matt tipped his head. “This is a pullout.” He patted the back of the loveseat. So we can share the room.”

  She managed to turn away from the lovely bathroom. “And your crack about sleeping on the floor?”

  “A misguided attempt for sympathy.” He grinned, the dimple creasing his cheek.

  And it had nearly worked, she thought, feeling an answering grin tugging at her lips. “You’re shameless.”

  “Yes.” He tucked his hands into his pockets.

  She glanced to her suitcase, which was tucked beside his at the closet door. After all this time, he was still the man she wanted. Caleb was outside, safe and happy, getting to know this new branch of his family tree. He was with people as committed to his safety as she was, regardless that they’d just recently learned of his existence.

  This was a moment out of time and she decided to seize it. Closure or a new beginning, she wasn’t yet sure. It didn’t matter. She crossed the room, reached past Matt and closed the door. She turned the lock, simply to make her point. And then she walked over to the foot of the bed.

  He’d given her so much more than good conversation and a couple of glasses of wine. He’d restored her confidence in them, whatever relationship they established in the hours, days or months ahead. Her heart yearned for him. Rather than risk further conversation, she decided to let her actions do the talking for her. She tugged off her sweater and unbuttoned her jeans, pushing the denim over her hips and down her legs.

  If the stretchmarks were a problem, best to find out now.

  His gaze was hot, focused, as she stepped away from her discarded clothing and approached him in only her black lace bra and panties. There were other colors that were better on her skin, but when she’d dressed this morning, she hadn’t anticipated making love to Matt tonight.

  Boldly, she unbuttoned his shirt and smoothed the panels apart. His chest swelled as he dragged in a deep breath under her touch. He’d left the wound uncovered, and it seemed to be healing well.

  Her hands skated lower, down his rippling abs to his trim hips and then back up, until she gripped his shoulders.

  On a low groan, he boosted her up, her legs coming around his waist as he carried her to the bed. She expected him to toss her down and cover her, but he was gentle, treating her as if she was a special treasure to savor and explore.

  His lips met hers and then cruised leisurely down her throat to her breasts. He teased and tantalized, working her aching flesh with his tongue and teeth through the fabric of her bra. When he flicked the clasp and removed the barrier, she bit back a cry at the heat of his mouth as he suckled each throbbing nipple before moving lower.

  He murmured words she couldn’t decipher against her skin. Whatever he said, she felt adored and precious. Loved. Love was there in his hands, in his breath, in the way he brought her to a hard, fast climax that left her gasping and reaching for him.

  Ditching his jeans and stretching out beside her, she felt his heart hammering in his chest, a deeper, heavier echo of her own. It seemed the more some things changed, the more they stayed the same. Matt Riley was an unassailable constant in her life.

  A small voice in her head scolded her for doubting her love for him, for resisting the facts that had been so evident from the start. Her passion expanded, exploded with that realization. She
rolled him onto his back and straddled him, filling her hands with the heat and shape of his muscles. She taught herself the planes and hollows of his body once more, wringing out the pleasure for both of them as she explored what she remembered, and what was new.

  A scar here and there, combat or training, she didn’t know. Her fault for pushing him away. No longer. She took him deep inside her body, rocked slowly as his hands gripped her hips. On a sigh, she savored what was so familiar and what was equally new and fresh.

  The sheer power of him, of them together, overwhelmed her senses. She surrendered control, simply holding him close with body, heart and soul before he shifted her underneath him and drove them both to a shuddering climax. Thoroughly satisfied and spent, she relished the heavy weight of him covering her.

  When he rolled off her at last, he tucked her close to his side, his hand moved up and down her spine in lazy, soothing strokes. The best feeling in the world and one she’d only ever shared with Matt.

  I love you. The words were right there, three words she’d wanted to give him for almost half her life. She kept them to herself. Again.

  He’d told her he wanted to earn her trust, but that was never the problem. She’d always trusted him. She hadn’t trusted herself enough to stand strong and independent of his name and career. If she’d accepted his first proposal before Caleb was born, or even the two that had come later, she might never have finished school or found her way into a job that challenged her.

  Fantastic sex aside, once the current threat was removed, they would most likely go back to a modified version of the way things were. Oh, sure, Caleb would see the Rileys more often, and she’d have to share holidays. That didn’t change that deep down she’d still be a single mom who’d tossed aside her chance at true love.

  She watched the rise and fall of Matt’s chest as his breathing evened out. When she was sure he was asleep, she whispered the three words she’d needed to say for so long.

  “I love you.”

  Chapter 11

  “I love you.” Those three words followed Matt all morning, distracting him when he tried to keep up with appearances and conversations around his family, his son.